YPM blog

Back and Forth to Vista [part 2]

[Did you miss part 1? click here to return to part 1 of Back and Forth to Vista]

As my husband and left California and headed back to every day life I continued to linger in the word surrender.  There was so much going on in my life that was not all goodbut the message continued to play over and over in my head to just let go and to continue to be grateful that all that is.  I had a roof over my head.  I had a husband that loves me.  I had food to eat every day.  I had clothes on my back, clean water to drink and so much more.  I decided that I needed to dig deeper into this surrender thing.  What was I supposed to surrender?  How does one go about surrendering?  Why couldn’t I have chosen a different word?


I began praying, “please God help me to understand how to surrender.”  I started to spend some quiet time to think about all that was good and to even look at all that was hard as a way to appreciate goodness.  I even started to learn that sometimes the hard leads to more goodness.  It leads to a deeper understanding of all that life has to offer.  I was learning that no matter how hard I try to control every outcome of everything in my life, I’m not in charge of the outcomes.  That was a realization that I did no embrace right away.  I used to think that if I would just try harder, work longer, talk more to express my point of view, do more, be more perfect that the outcomes would just be better.


It was not until I began to let go of the outcome that life began to be more.  With the letting go came a greater level of peace than I’d ever experienced.  I thought that peace would come when I got it all right not when I became less concerned about getting it all right.


As the secret to surrender was really beginning to reveal itself to me it was time to head back to the West Coat for our annual trip.  We planned to return to the Vista Farmer’s Market for the Heirloom tomatoes, the breakfast Tamales and of course, more Joy.  So much had transpired this past year.  I could not wait to see what intention was next.  I walked into Joy’s booth with no expectation of what the next word might be for me.


There it was, shouting, nearly jumping off the shelf.  I did not even really see the other words all around it.  It was time to move into the next intention.  For a moment I thought, am I deciding too quickly?  But then I looked at the word on the soap, again.  I smirked at myself for even questioning because this year’s word was Trust.  I thanked Joy for the gift of intentions that she provides.  We chatted a little bit.  I purchased a couple of candles and started to move on.  Something stopped me.  Something made me turn around.  Something said yes, Trust, go back.


I entered Joy’s little slice of the world and shared with her that I had written and goal just 3 months ago that I plan to teach women’s retreats.  This was a new goal but I felt convicted about it.  I shared that I could see a room filled with women and Joy’s intentions soaps.  We shared a smile that connected the two of us.  My question for Joy was how do I choose which intentions to share with these women?  If I attended a retreat and there was a bowl of intention soaps for everyone to choose from, I said I might feel like “someone else just chose my intention and now I’m going to have to settle!”  That would move this beautiful gesture into one that could cause lose, pain, conflict and so on.  Joy looked at me and without missing a beat and said, “Robin, you fill the bowl with Surrender.  Everyone must start with surrender.  All other intentions follow that.”


Wow.  How powerful was this message.  Yes, surrender was so important.  It is the beginning of receiving and accepting.  A bowl full of surrender could not be a more beautiful message to share.  My only question at this time, “what about love?  Are you sure we should not fill the bowl with love?”  Again, she smiled and allowed the light within her to come out.  She said that love should fill the room as everyone is moving toward surrender.  Love should fill the room for you as you present.  We agreed that a love candle should burn throughout the retreat to “fill the room with love.”  I was elated.


Can you imagine?  I almost did not turn around to share my dream with Joy?  I thought why would my dreams matter to her?  But I remembered that I had “Trust” in my bag and that now would be a good time to begin living that intention.  I am so grateful that I listened to the positive voice within me and not the one of fear.


There were many opportunities to question trust through the next 11 months and a few weeks.  There were also many more opportunities to simply trust.  My journey of intention was leading me to live a deeper life of faith.  I was learning to trust God sometimes even more than myself.  I was learning that when I trusted God for the outcome that not only did I experience more peace but I was also experiencing more joy.  Joy that comes from the inside out.  Joy that brings light to darkness.  Joy that fills the room with love.

…READ part 3 of Back and Forth to Vista…